Companion Stories: Andy
"I was brought up in care. I went to a school in Shopshire. It was beautiful there. The countryside was lovely. In some ways those were the best years of my life. I was picked for the Junior Olympics when I was 14. My sport was the triathalon. I loved it, but I couldn't carry on because I started to have problems in my back.
I had a friend at the school and sometimes I went with him to stay with his family. It was a shock to see a real family. I thought families were like the ones in old black and white films.
I went off to live by myself when I was 17. I moved to Leeds and got a job working with disabled adults. It was a 24/7 job. I had to be a doctor, a social worker and a psychiatrist all in one. There were some nights I almost walked out, but I didn't. To me care work is an extension of my family.
I did some other care work in Macclesfield and Romania, then in 1992 I went off to Bosnia as a volunteer. Once, when I was working I felt what I thought was a bee going past my ear. People started running and were shouting "Snipers!" Someone got hold of me round my neck and pulled me over a wall. I banged my head against someone elses head. That person turned out to be my future wife.
She was Japanese - she came to England to learn about care work. We moved to Japan and were together for 4 and a half years. I taught children, but it wasn't what I really loved doing.
I went to Bosnia again in 1996. By this time I had two children. I had terrible experiences. I saw fighting and murders and executions. When I got back I started to have flashbacks. All I could see were the faces of dead children. I couldn't cope with my own children anymore. The doctor said I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My wife and children went to live in Japan.
In December 2000 they came to visit me. I was still nervous of my children at first. One evening I heard them crying out because they were so astonished by the snow. They had never seen snow before. Their reaction somehow snapped me out of the way I had been feeling. Suddenly I could relate to them and had feelings for them. We had a lovely week together. I cried when they left. It was the last time I ever saw them. Shortly after I heard there had been an accident. My wife and children and my wife's parents had all been killed in a car accident.
I locked myself in my flat. I don't know how I got through it. I was lost for ages. My doctor then told me I couldn't do care work anymore because of my back which had got really bad. That was the final straw in a long line of bad things. I lost track of time for a while. I was sleeping on the streets in Victoria, near the Army and Navy store. I slept there for four months. I actually found peace on the streets and met people to look after. Because it was cold and my back meant I couldnt walk around all day, I couldn't cope long term on the streets. An outreach worker told me about Emmaus.
When I came here it was as if I had been looking for a place like this all my life. It feels safe. I can relax at last. I have got flowers in my room. It is an expression of me. Being here has given me the chance to think about what has happened to me and to work out what I want to do next. It has given me the chance to start again. I feel as if I am only now beginning my life. I would like to get married again. I would like to find a job where I can care for people. I think my constant need to help people is due to the fact I was in care myself. Like everybody, I am looking for love."
